A few weeks back I was sitting down with Chuck after a particularly difficult week with the kids, talking through my frustrations about parenting for like the umpteenth time, when I realized I was sick and tired of hearing myself complain about the same struggles over and over. You know what I'm talking about (or maybe you're a better mother than me, and you don't)
My kids don't listen to me.
Why won't they clean up after themselves?
Do I seriously have to ask 16 time to get them to do something?
Will they ever respect me, our house, or their belongings?
Why do they listen to Chuck right away, and NOT me?
Will my kids ever love each other?
Why do I yell so much?
Am I too busy being frustrated that I miss out on the good moments during the day?
Do I tell them enough positive things about themselves, or do they feel like I rail on them all dang day?
Am I a push over? (YES)
Honestly, this list could go on and on, and on! I realized sometime that night that this is my chosen career, no, it really is a calling. I love my children more than anything else, yet I feel like I am failing them on so many levels. I want nothing more than to feel like I am raising my kids to become exactly what they were meant to become, and I want to feel like I did the absolute best that I could as their mother. Right now I feel like I'm getting a C+ at best.
Last year we watched the move "Julie and Julia" where the main character cooks her way through Julia Child's cook book, and blogs about it. She was a writer, and wanted to write more, and she learned to be a great cook in the process. Someday I would love to write a book. I've had this secret desire for years, and maybe I will. Someday. Right now I'm focused on being a mom, and focused on how much I'm failing at it. Then it hit me!
What if I take the next year of my life, read all the parenting books I can get my hands on, try implementing their suggestions and advice in my own family, and blog about it! What works, what doesn't, and the crazy journey I'm going on! I think it could be therapeutic and fun! This could be like my continuing education course for motherhood. After all, don't lots of companies make their employees take classes to keep their skills sharp, and make sure that they are performing to the best of their abilities? If I was my own boss, there would be days that I would put myself on unpaid administrative leave! Seriously, I can't keep pretending that "someday" it will all work out, and that my kids will turn out perfectly and I will be a total success as a mother. If I want this (and I do!), then I need to work at it! Going back to school isn't an option of me right now, so I need to do this myself.
What I need help deciding is, do I start a new blog for this, or do I just use our family blog? If I start a new blog, what do I call it? These are a few ideas I've had....
1.Motherhood: In over my head and learning how to swim.
2.The Motherhood Experiment: The Good, The Bad, and The Honest.
3.Motherhood. Seriously?
4.Motherhood. Did anyone see where I left the instructions for these kids?
5.Motherhood: In it for the long haul.
6.Motherhood: I think I can? I know I can!
7.The perfect Mother (Yeah right!)
8.Motherhood: They forgot to mention ANY of this in the birthing classes!
I would love some feedback from those of you who read my blog (when I actually post something).
I know I need to get on my knees and beg for some heavenly help. After all, these are His children. He knows them better than I do, and he also knows me, and what help I need. I can't help but feel like this idea wasn't my own, and that I won't be alone on this journey.
Love,
Lanna
